I took The Call I took a business call after my kids were home, usually I don’t do this. I have strict rules about it. In this case I had no choice AND I allowed to set myself free from #momguilt even before I answered. (I knew the call was coming.) I mean it was only once. During the call I walked out to the garden and sat on the kids swing. As a mom it's hard to focus if you can hear your kids in the background... well for me it is. I could hear my 2 girls fighting inside but I gave it 100% to just “play dead!”
Great lessons comes when we least expect it! I’m so glad this all happened because I learnt a great lesson! My boy found me eventually on the swing and jumped up and down - like he just won the Lotto and needed to share the good news. Accept this time I knew it wasn't good news. As he saw me lift my hand (STOP, I'm on the phone) he immediately and patiently sat on the swing next to me and started swinging. The call ended about 10 minutes later, in which he sat patiently and waited! (10 minutes for a 5yo must have felt like eternity) A big #wowmoment for me! I then found that the girls were fighting over game rules and he wouldn’t do something his sister told him to do. She was upset because he didn’t listen, and the oldest one was defending her brother and his free will. In the process of a civil war breaking in the playroom, he decided to be clever and remove himself from the situation.
This deserves a STAR! He was rewarded with 2 stars:
For wisdom (remove yourself from a difficult situation)
For exceptional manners and patience. The rest of the day this boy was an absolute joy, not that he isn’t one but his behavior was above average for a 5yo boy. It was as if the 2 stars changed his entire attitude for the rest of the day.
Time to preach The girls however got into trouble. I preached again about fighting and trying to control one another. I also lectured them on good behaviour, especially when I'm on the phone. Same old story, I'm sure all moms deal with this on a daily basis. Their bahvior did not improve after our little chat, in fact by the time it was bedtime I was happy to say good night. See my post on Bedtime Confessions. This got me thinking.....
The way we as parents handle things. He was praised for good manners and behaviour and for the rest of the day he strived to be the best boy ever! He gave it his everything and it was amazing to see him try his best and give his best. For a 5yo BOY to never slip up once in 4 - 5 hours.... this is a major achievement in my eyes. #proudmom The girls got into major trouble and what seemed like should have scared them into good little girls just turned out to getting into more trouble the rest of the day. I came to this conclusion. I realized that the more we praise our kids for the good things they do, the more they want to please us. But the more we tell them what they do wrong, the more they do wrong. I don't think this is done on purpose, I think it's normal human behaviour and it happens without any of us really realising it.
What are the things we say to our kids when we are upset?
Why are you so naughty?
Why can’t you ever listen to me?
I can't believe you just did that!!!!!
Where is your ears today?
Where does this behavior come from? They hear this.... all the time. So I asked myself this question.... do I praise them enough?Yes God says in the Bible, if you do not dicipline your children, you don't love them. But what about the good stuff. I know I think thoughts like "look how nicely they play together" or "wow they are so good today." Do I always say it out loud? No I don't! But as soon as they step out of line and it's time for me to dicipline, I verbalise everything. (because I have to do this, it's part of being a parent)
Turn things around
Lying in bed last night and realising this made me think.... I am going to start praising the kids more often. Not just on achievements but also on every good thought I have. We live in a crazy busy world, it's all about rush rush rush.... I'm going to make more time to tell them how proud I am in those special moments where I normally just kept it to myself. (Again not on purpose, it's just life)
I am almost a 100% sure this will bring a change of mood, behaviour, voice tones and their own dedication to listening.
Do you think this will work? What's the negative things you say to your kids when they step out of line?
Can I change the way I talk once I'm upset or even tired? Can I change the words I choose when I tackle a problem and add a lot more praise on a daily basis? After seeing such good results yesterday, I'm sure going to try. It's something like sharing is caring :) and sharing the love.
Much Love
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