Updated: Jun 12
I’m stuck in front of my computer, trying my absolute best to “work”, but I’m struggling. My head feels fuzzy, my ears are aching and my throat is on fire!!! I’m grateful three of the four kids are at school.
A “tantrum cry” comes from the room next door and I force myself to walk over and act patient..... all I want to do is sleep. He is looking for the RED bike!!!! My goodness the entire floor is covered in cars, bikes, planes and other toys but he wants the red bike and he wants it now! (Not a good day to want what you want!) after trying a million different options I left him in the room, none of us happy.
"When you know they have more than enough."
A little later (when he finally accepted I wasn’t going to give him what he wants) he wanted to know where Batman was? I mean .... come on, really???? Not any Batman, the LEGO BATMAN! I gave him the first and best LEGO man I could find and pretended that it was Batman. I think he understood not to argue and just accepted this little LEGO man. Very grown-up for a three year old! I was so proud, and thankful!
The rest of the day went by S L O W and all I could think about was S L E E P, I took so many pills and painkillers that I was floating instead of walking. I think the little ones could see when I fetched them that mommy wasn’t really present.
My oldest daughter had to study for maths 😱 and grade two maths was even a challenge for me!!! Who knew it can be so hard!! Two hours later with stuff left to do I had to get my other daughter to her netbal practice. It was there that I decided I’m not cooking! I had more than enough reasons why my decision was a good one!
1 - I don’t like cooking- I never went to the shops because I felt like a zombi all day. 2 - I wasn’t sure if I could even stand long enough to make a salad let alone cook an entire meal. 3 - I had no inspiration. 4 - Everyone suggested something different.
To me, this was good enough. After netbal I told the kids we are going out for dinner, and of cause they couldn’t wait to go to Spur or Panarottis. Again mommy had a conversation with herself and decided to go to Wimpy. Why?
1 - Faster service 2 - Less people (they mostly busy during breakfast time) 3 - Smaller play area 4 - No other kids, just mine.... so less to worry about.
Lying in bed felt so good! Putting my head on that pillow made everything else go away and I felt good for the first time in 14 hours.
I forced myself to find a silver lining in the day (because this is what I do.) Something good must have happened??? It took me a while, but eventually it hit me!
The silver lining for the day was that I never killed anyone and I never fell asleep behind the wheel!
God’s grace and mercy covers us, even on the worst of the worst days, never once did I not feel loved and it’s because I know He loves me. His love covered me like a blanket and that kept me ‘semi-sane.’ I might not have been the “best” mom in the world yesterday, but I was there and I did everything that was expected of me and I gave it my best! This too is okay sometimes. To just do what we absolutely have to do. It’s enough. I was enough for them.