Fast Forward Mode
I am busy writing a book where all the details will be shared but I have to testify something amazing today. So I am fast forwarding through a lot of details and years, but the details are not important in the message for now.
How Great is Our God
As a woman, I am far from living the perfect life and also choose living in flesh at times. I am in awe of how great our God is. His patience and love for us is just so incredible and the fact that He never gives up on us blows my mind. For a long time I was walking around with anger and bitterness. Along with sadness and defeat in my heart. I was so low at a stage where I didn't even want to go to God. In my mind I felt like "what for?" (I did, but my heart wasn't so much in it, because it's the only thing I know to do when I'm broken, is pray so I did it anyway)
I knew even if I pray while I am angry, even if I pray when I don't feel like it, even if I trust even though it feels like I've lost all hope and faith, God sees my heart and knows me better than anyone else. So I prayed despite my feelings. In my heart I knew I was far but I also knew He will always be close, and that made me feel a little better. I was constantly reminded of being a parent myself. Even if my kids are mad at me, or upset I love them no matter what and that brought me comfort.
Again how great is our God to know that He is there, waiting even if we build walls, get distant and in a way feel sorry for ourselves.
Long Story Short
Let me start by saying it is impossible to share all the details in just one blog post, and in a way I am thankful for that. I don't want this post to be about the details. I want the details to be in God. So I will take my long story and make it short until the book is published hopefully by the end of this year.
One thing I know; God doesn't always go deep into detail, sometimes He gives one word, one instruction or one simple nod and say go. He works with us in patience and love. In my case, He always allows for a tantrum or two, while He just listens, and then quietly He moves in and changes my heart. I was called to do something I know nothing about, but at that stage I had rage and anger about the situation. Actually so much of it, that I was ready to walk in, pretending I was a bulldog.
As always God moved in and took control only minutes before I arrived. He didn't save the other people from a bulldog, He saved me from myself. He gave me two words! HUGE, MASSIVE, BLOCK LETTERS on a billboard on the N14 on my way. I was prepping myself to be, unbreakable, "bitchy", with a bad attitude and negative mindset towards them. God's done it before, and He did it again. He changed my entire attitude by the time I parked my car.
The smallest things in life can make the biggest difference, and other times the big things make no difference. These two powerful words on the side of the road has been there for years, and if I have to say how many times I saw it without seeing it, I would have to lie. But on this one particular day I saw it. I read it. It hit home. And never in my life did I ever realise how powerful words can be.
That is all He gave me, but He knew it was all I needed. That's how well God knows me. And so I was sent out on the battlefield to go do something that had absolutely nothing to do with me, just like David. David was not a fighter. He was not a man, a soldier or a warrior. He was a boy. But he was brave and He knew who He was in Christ. He went out to fight Goliath without armour, only a slingshot in his hand and he defeated the enemy.
This is exactly how I felt. I was David sent out into a battlefield with nothing more than what God gave me, two words! BE KIND. Overwhelming stuff I know!
When God Says Go
Here's the thing, when God calls you to a battlefield and says you are ready and "I chose you," you have no choice but to believe. I am not saying to be fearless, I am sure David was a little scared but his faith was bigger than his fear. And when we know we are doing the right thing because God chose you, then this is what happens. I walked away that day in victory. Not over the war, but I crossed a mountain that day that will lead me to the victory of a war far greater than me.
God is our restorer. God goes before us, and He does things we can't see, but those tiny rocks on the path on our way is personally picked up by His hands. I can see how He is changing everything. I can see how because I was obedient to two little words, He is slowly but surely restoring. And no, not in my time but in His time, because His time is perfect. And we have to believe this. Sometimes we have to almost loose everything just like Job to go out and be like Jonah.
The only way forward is when God says go. And then we go do whatever is possible for us, while God sits behind the scenes and works carefully on the details of the impossible. And this way, the only way to believe 100% that everything that was done, was done by God. All the glory goes to Him.
Since I've gone back three more times, every time with the same amount of anxiety and fear, but each time it was easier to be kind and use my only weapon God gave me. When I drive home I have the most incredible experiences with God. I connect with Him in a way I would never have if I wasn't sent out onto the battlefield.
I feel honoured. I feel like a lioness every time I drive home, because I know my King. Trust God, is my message today. It's flippen hard, I know. A lot of times we don't understand why certain things happen. A lot of times we were foolish and got ourselves into a situation. But then there is God. God does not walk away. Ever. God does not turn His back. Ever.
God is patient. God loves us. And we are all part of a big plan that He wants to prosper us. If you are facing giants, don't give up. God will come in and restore. Just trust Him and be willing to listen and do the possible.
You are worth His time and you are worth His plan.