Sometimes we need different things.
Sometimes we need space. Sometimes we need it to just be still. Sometimes we need peace. Sometimes we need time out. Sometimes we just need ourselves.
I often feel guilty for even having thoughts like this, but we can't stop what we are feeling, or for knowing what we need. I can hide my true thoughts to the world out there, but I can't hide them from myself or from God.
I think it's okay to want to be alone, by myself. When it's just God and I, I get a sense of peace, of inner satisfaction. I am able to get a refill of patience, to recharge my batteries. I get a change to glance at my dreams that I packed far away, waiting until it's my turn again. As moms and as wives we need this, this "mommy time".
If I don't get it for a couple of weeks I can feel it. It's evident in the way I behave and talk, I can hear it in the tone of my voice and smell it in my attitude!
What Does God Say?
God said we must love others as much as we love ourselves. If we really sit down and think about what He is saying, then it truly makes sense to me. It is so nice to spend time with loved ones and it's because we love them, and because they encourage us and build us up. If we love ourselves the most, then of course we are going to need to spend time with ourselves, encouraging ourselves and building ourselves up!
Sometimes It's Hard!
I sometimes miss that teenage door that says, "stay out!" Those days where you lie on your floor with the sun coming through your window. The radio tuned into 5FM, listening to the top 40 charts. Staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the dreams you have and all the things you are going to do, places you going to visit. Not a worry in the world. Not a single person asking for anything. Just you and God.
Should I Feel Guilty?
No, I'm not going to feel guilty having these thoughts. If I'm lucky enough to get these moments, then I'm also not going to feel guilty. I'm going to embrace them and enjoy it for the moment! I'm going to recharge my battery and refill my cup with love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, joy, peace and self-control. This is what God says we need, so we need to keep these cups full so that we can be the best version of "ME" out there!!
I want to be the best ME so that I can be the best wife for my man and the best mom for my little people.